Inspired by Soft Thrill, developing the story
behind Charlotte's bitter first love
Charlotte was anxious about Soft Thrill's audition at the Bluebird Theater. She haunted the club
regularly during her college years, watching her favorite bands in awe.
Now she was looking square in the face at a big opportunity. She had
heard about the opening gig from the manager of the nightclub she
bartended at on weekends. He was friends with one of the owners of the
Bluebird and helped her band get an audition slot.
She had graduated two weeks earlier from UC-Boulder's College of Music
and didn't want to mix martinis for the rest of her life. She had
aspirations to use her education and not become another music major
statistic. Her voice was a natural gift, but her studies forced her to
understand the discipline and business of music and hone her song
She was always the kind of girl who always hung out with musicians, so
it was natural that she'd fall into a friendship with a group of
classmates thinking about starting a band. In study group chatter,
Jeremy, Chris, Jason and Charlotte found they all had the same love for
indie alternative music when they bonded over rock shows and mp3
After a string of dates with guys she wasn't interested in, Charlotte
wrote a song called, "Another" about a girl who tried to force herself,
but could never fall in love. She played it at an open mic venue and
the guys were blown away by her delivery.
I only wade in the shallow water
You want to go off the deep end
I don't know my own heart
I can't very well take yours...
That night they asked her to join their band, and started bringing
their respective music together as a group. Charlotte suggested the
idea of calling the band Soft Thrill, after she found the color name
among shades of blue while helping her sister select paint colors for
her apartment. She felt immediately sexy about it and everyone in the
band agreed that "sexy" would be a good label for a female fronted band.
They played college venues for a few months, generating some buzz among
the local "under 21" crowd. A few months more, through word of mouth
and some loose connections, they moved into some minor Denver clubs.
Slowly they picked up a small but loyal following, with a fair amount
of attention being paid to Charlotte's nymph-like stage persona.
This audition at the Bluebird was for a rotating spot opening for
popular local band called Essex. Charlotte first saw Essex play during
her sophomore year and was completely absorbed into their retro indie
sound. The lead guitarist, a chubby guy with impressive talent,
especially captivated her.
He had a beautiful, boyish face, with an adorable ski slope nose and
sweetly upturned lips. His hair was brown and wavy, with a bit of a
youthful disheveled musician look. He was expressive in his playing and
seemed to live within the music rather than for the fans. He wasn't
extremely big back then, but his guitar failed to cover his bulging
After seeing that show, she did a little research and found out his
name was Ethan James and he was the songwriting talent in the band. She
downloaded a few songs from their website, fell in love with the music
and developed a serious crush on Ethan. He was the trifecta she had
always been looking for: musically talented, boyishly handsome and
She would go to their gigs every few months, gleefully noticing his
increasing size. His weight had gone up quite a bit over the two years
since she first saw the band play, and her crush grew deeper at each
show. Sure, he was cute and fat, but he was a wonderful musician and
songwriter too. She felt a kinship to his artistic nature, and yet had
never been able to exchange a word with him.
Charlotte entered the side door of the club with her band mates and
they were shown to the stage and set up their equipment. Hoping they'd
get past the first song with the club's manager, they specially
rehearsed three songs: Jeremy's hard-driving song, "One More,"
Charlotte's jangling ballad, "Another," and a breathy voiced cover of
the Foo Fighters' "Everlong."
There was one other song Charlotte offered for consideration. She wrote
"No One" late one night after an Essex show last winter. It was about
her desire for Ethan, expressing the feeling of being just another fan
in the crowd. But the song had an erotic twist. It gave her the vixen
role in that she would turn the tables and make him desire her with the
same lust she felt for him.
I'm your no one
You go on without me
But someday, you will want me
I will linger in a fantasy
Burn for you, make you crave me
She had mixed feelings about the song. It was personal to her and she
refused to admit to her band mates that the song was about someone
specific. And with the lovesick obsessive tone of the lyrics, she
didn't want to get pegged by anyone as a lunatic. She held her feelings
close to her heart and only expressed them through her music.
The first time she played it for the band, she felt awkward about it
and didn't deliver with her full voice. But they liked the provocative
lyrics and toyed with it anyway, adding a sexy beat and a throbbing
guitar line to support the suggestive lines. When she turned her back
to them and imagined singing the song to Ethan, it started to simmer.
But Charlotte needed more time to get used to performing it publicly,
so they agreed to put it on the back burner.
Jeremy introduced the band to the manager of the Bluebird, known only
as Mac, and they took their places on stage. "Hey, Jack, bring up the
stage lights," Mac shouted to a club employee. Charlotte's heart
They rocked with "One More," and Charlotte could see that Mac also
seemed to enjoy "Another." But when they launched into their pop-punk
version of "Everlong," Mac checked his watch, got up from his chair and
walked away with his cell phone to his ear.
Charlotte thought she was losing him and sung her heart out to get his
attention back. When the song ended, Mac paused his phone conversation
and yelled over to them, "Can you guys hang on a minute?"
We blew it, Charlotte thought, as she glanced uneasily at Jeremy, Chris
and Jason. A few moments later, the dark corner door of the club burst
open revealing sunlight and four figures walked through. The door shut
and Charlotte could then see that it was Essex, with Ethan's broad
figure walking in behind the others.
Her heart pounded. She hadn't expected them to come. She felt momentary
relief that they hadn't been there during the three songs or she would
have really blown the audition. But Mac raised her blood pressure with
his words, "I'd like you to play one more song. Is that a problem?"
"Uh no, no…" Jeremy stuttered over the mic. "Just give us a sec," he
waved the band together in a conference. "What do you think," he
whispered, "Charlotte's stalker song?"
"Holy crap, 'No One?'" Chris interjected, "Are we ready with that?
Charlotte, can you do it?"
Charlotte suddenly felt numb inside. Between the high stakes of this
audition and having Ethan watch her perform, her defenses oddly shut
down and her fear dissolved. Before she knew it, she was blindly
agreeing, "Yes, I'm totally ready to do that song."
The music started and she began to sing. As the words came out, she
transformed into the femme fatale in the song, glancing into Ethan's
eyes for surges of energy and inspiration.
I want inside you, I see you inside me
I imagine you hungry
Your face over my body, your body over mine
Wrap my legs around you
Full-size pictures of you
Caged up in my dirty little mind
Charlotte maintained a controlled, confident, slithering style with her
delivery. Mac, the guys from Essex and a few club employees watched
without word. She stopped thinking about how they were responding and
just imagined the many depraved thoughts she had entertained about
Ethan over the last couple of years.
Her performance was a blur to her. She only remembered that the band
sounded amazing. Jeremy hit the last note on his guitar and for a long
moment, there was nothing but silence. Charlotte opened her eyes and
saw the small audience clapping, including Ethan, who was smiling back
at her. It was the first time she had ever seen him smile, as he always
looked brooding or disaffected on stage. She had never in her life felt
such an emotional high as she did in that moment.
Mac walked over to them and smiled, "I've seen a lot of crappy bands
audition lately, so you had the job after the first song. But I'm glad
you played all of them. You've got yourself a ringer there," he pointed
at Charlotte, "If sex sells, she's the real deal."
The band walked down from the stage and Mac introduced the guys from
Essex to Soft Thrill. Charlotte's anxiety was right back on the surface
with her heart pounding as she glanced at Ethan. She flashed him her
biggest smile without even trying. She noted a little belly shake when
he shook her hand, sending shivers down her legs. There was no doubt he
had continued to put on weight. He looked noticeably bigger from the
Essex show she saw on New Year’s Eve, just a few months ago.
"You wanna get set up?" One of the guys from Essex said to the other
members of their band. They moved toward the stage, and started to move
equipment around. Charlotte watched them for a few moments, studying
Ethan's form in movement, looking round and powerful.
Jason interrupted Charlotte's daze and asked Mac, "Why are they setting
up now? It's the middle of the afternoon."
"They have a recording session tonight. They're trying to get some
stuff hammered out here so they don't waste studio time. I'm financing
this deal, so I suggested they get over here and practice," he
Wow, Charlotte thought, they have a record deal. "Ethan is a huge
talent, I'm sure they're going to do well behind his amazing
songwriting," she found herself blurting.
"Yeah, he is huge alright," Mac joked. Charlotte became irritated. She
didn't mean to imply anything about his weight.
Mac walked them to the door, "so you'll be here Saturday night? "
They all nodded and walked out. When the door was shut, they all
screamed and hugged each other. This was a big break for them in the
local music scene.
Charlotte's stage nerves started up again on Saturday afternoon. She
had performed for a few dozen people at most, but never several hundred
at one time. She had visions of tripping on stage or losing her voice.
She decided she needed to get to the club early, so she could stake out
the space and feel more familiar with it.
She rang the buzzer on the side door and for a minute, no one answered.
She started to walk away when the door creaked open, and peering from
behind the door she saw Ethan. Her heart jumped in her throat. "Oh! Uh…
hi, I was just seeing if I could… um... uh," Charlotte was tongue-tied.
Ethan opened the door for her, and with a wry smile, motioned her to
walk in. "You're here early," he observed. "I was just playing around
on the piano backstage," he explained himself, "its got pretty good
"There's a piano back there? Where do they fit it?" she asked, hoping
to get a tour from him.
"It's in the corner dressing room, there's a ton of space back there.
You wanna look around?" he asked her.
"Yeah, I'd love it. Thank you, I totally need the distraction," she
smiled back wearily, masking her excitement over Ethan's friendliness.
She followed him through a short hallway, watching him from the back.
His brown button down shirt looked a little snug from behind, not
allowing for any concealment of his generous love handles. But it was
long enough that it covered the contours of his wide behind. Her
fingers tingled just thinking about pressing them into his soft body.
He showed her into the room with the piano. The windowless room was
dimly lit and looked a bit small to contain a medium grand. Ethan
stopped at the piano and explained, "I like to spend time on it before
shows; it helps with the nerves."
"You still get nervous?" she asked, dumbfounded. "I would think you'd
be so used to it."
"Yeah, I still feel weird on stage," he frowned, pulling his shirt down
to adjust it over his billowing belly.
"I know what you mean," she smiled, "I have a wicked case of nerves I'm
working on right now."
Pointing toward the piano, he asked her, "Do you play?"
"A little," she admitted, hoping he wouldn't challenge her to play
anything for him. She was comfortable with her singing, but she always
felt insecure about her piano skills.
"Do you want to give it a try?" he waved her to the piano bench.
She was a bit embarrassed to play for him, but she desperately wanted
to be next to him. She sat down on one side of the bench while her
heart pounded, "Maybe you should play first," and motioned him to sit
down next to her.
He paused, but then shrugged his shoulders and sat down. He pulled at
his shirt again to adjust it over his belly. The shirt was even tighter
looking now, showing off his plush shape. His width filled a lot of the
bench, forcing their bodies to touch. Charlotte had shivers running
down her spine. She couldn't believe she was sitting there, right next
to her hero, sharing that musical space.
He started to play a song she hadn't heard before, and it sounded
fantastic to her. They looked at each other and smiled. She blushed and
looked down, noticing that she had an amazing view of his body. Despite
his effort to stay on his side of the bench, his legs were pushed wide
by his soft, full belly and his thick thighs. Charlotte turned pink and
stopped breathing for a second.
"Still nervous?" he asked, continuing the song.
She was nervous, but at least he was distracting her from stage fright.
Her stomach was full of butterflies because she was touching Ethan, the
object of her fantasies. "A little," she smiled up at him, noticing his
flawless skin and cherubic cheeks.
"This is beautiful," she gushed and watched his large hands and thick
fingers work effortlessly on the keys, creating a wonderful sound.
He reddened a bit and smiled, "Thanks, just something I'm trying to
He finished and she instinctively clapped her hands, realizing she
probably looked like a silly schoolgirl. Ethan looked at her and
offered up the keys, "Your turn."
Charlotte took a deep breath and started to play a song she wrote
called "Duel," a chronicle of the combative nature of a worn out
relationship. She wrote the lyrics after many late night phone calls
with her sobbing sister after her fianc� broke off their engagement.
Knives of anger pierce her skin
Exposed she bleeds
Stabbed with a betrayal, cut by lies
Blow by blow, he leaves, she dies
She sang the lyrics, lightly then strongly, yet feeling self-conscious
about the way he watched her. When the song was over, she looked at him
and he had a concerned look on his face. "I know, kind of a bummer
song," she confessed with a smile, "but it's one of the few I feel
comfortable playing on the piano," she shrugged.
"Did you write that about an ex?" Ethan wanted to know.
"No," Charlotte laughed, "my sister had a really bad breakup last year.
I channeled her pain, I guess."
"Oh," he looked relieved. "It's a great song. Your voice has a lot of
She beamed and blushed, "Thanks." She had heard compliments about her
voice for many years from teachers, friends and family, but coming from
Ethan, a musician whom she respected and admired, it meant so much to
"Yeah, I mean you can go really strong and hard with your voice, or
light and airy; it's nice," he shared.
Charlotte was blushing more. She glanced down at his body and felt
hotter. He caught her eyes looking at his body and then abruptly stood
up, adjusting his shirt over his broad belly again. Charlotte saw him
jiggle a bit from this hasty maneuver and she imagined caressing his
middle and kissing him softly on the lips.
A moment later, Mac walked by and saw them in the room. "Hey," he
shouted to Ethan, "Little Miss here thinks you're a huge talent," he
repeated her words from the audition. Ethan looked at Charlotte. She
smiled and looked down. Mac continued, looking at Charlotte, "You did
say "huge" right?" and chuckled. Ethan turned pale and stepped away
from her. She was suddenly uneasy. Was Mac insulting Ethan with the
same cheap fat joke? Ethan's seemingly upset reaction devastated her
with the possibility.
"Well, I better go," Charlotte grabbed her bag, feeling awful. Mac was
still smiling at his joke as she passed by him. She hurried out and ran
back to her apartment. She took out a song she'd been working on about
a boy who couldn't see his own worth, and sang the lyrics.
You're stunning, you are
You're the only one, you are
You're brilliant, you are
You don't know why, but you are
She wanted to cry thinking about the look on Ethan's face when Mac
repeated the word, "Huge," with his snickering laugh. And then she got
angry, yelling out loud to herself, "Where does that jerk get off
insulting the brains behind his best talent?" But she was mostly hurt
that Mac's dim-witted sense of humor twisted her admiring words about
A couple of hours later she returned to the club with her band mates
and they went back to a dressing room. Charlotte paced, now more upset
over the "huge" incident and her nerves took a back seat. She decided
to use her anger on stage.
The band performed an amazing set, and the audience, while somewhat
small, responded well. She wasn't sure if Ethan was even around to see
her performance, but she hoped she would have a chance to say a word or
two to him before Essex took the stage.
As they walked backstage after their set, Ethan was standing in the
hallway. Her heart was already pounding and her face was flush from her
performance, but she felt a different kind of excitement come over her
body when she locked eyes with him. She smiled, "Hey, Ethan."
He didn't smile back, at her and just offered a simple, "Hey," in
She felt disappointment. He was cold to her now. She tried to pretend
like she didn't notice, "Did you see our set?" she asked brightly? He
was so gorgeous, she thought. She just wanted to throw her arms around
his plush, wide body and give him a deep, penetrating hug.
"Some," was all he offered.
"Oh," she looked down, more crushed. "Well, good luck with your set,"
she tried to find a way back in his good graces, but he just nodded
back at her and walked toward the stage.
She went back to one of the empty dressing rooms alone, and while she
showered, she felt tears forming in her eyes over the emotional
letdown. She had felt so good about her performance and then Ethan's
cold shoulder completely deflated her mood. She hated more than
anything that he would think she could mock his magnificent body.
Charlotte rejoined her band mates in the cordoned off VIP area. She
wasn't thrilled to see Mac, but he gave her a hug anyway,
congratulating her on an excellent performance. She walked away from
the group and watched Ethan play, lost in how much she loved his music
and how beautiful and expressive his adorable face was.
Essex finished their encore and the lights came up. The VIP group made
their way up to the top bar to relax and enjoy the evening's successes.
Charlotte's anxiety was reignited when she saw Ethan walking toward the
bar. She felt warm when she saw his soft belly in a tight t-shirt,
expanded well past his button down layer.
He sat down alone near the bartender and ordered a beer. She decided
she needed to heal any possible hard feelings or she would be heartsick
over the whole misunderstanding. She walked over to him and touched his
arm, "Hi," she said softly with a smile.
He looked up at her, "Oh hi," he managed a half-smile.
"You guys were great again tonight," she offered. "I love the new song
you played at the end," she hadn't heard it before. "Did you write it?"
"Yep," he stared into his beer glass without even glancing at her.
Charlotte didn't know what more to say to break the ice, so she went
the direct route, "Did I say something to upset you?"
Ethan looked at her, "Uh… no, I'm just… tired," and looked away.
"Oh," she still felt something was wrong, so she came right out with
what was on her mind. "Well, then I just wanted to say that I really
admire your talent, and I really just… well, I think you are so
amazing." He continued to look into his glass. Her face felt hot with
embarrassment and she started to walk away.
He grabbed her hand, "I'm just not in a good mood, sorry," he
apologized. "It's just that Mac and I had a fight after you left, and
I'm still a little irritated over it."
"Oh," she was curious now, "Why is Mac causing you grief?"
"It's… stupid," was all he shared.
"That's okay, don't worry about it," she sat down next to him,
appreciating his thick arms. "Just enjoy basking in the glory of yet
another amazing show."
"So you're a fan?" he asked her with a sly smile.
"Yeah," she admitted, "I've been coming to your shows for a couple of
years now." She didn't want to admit yet that she had the full library
of their mp3s and knew all the lyrics to their songs.
He looked at her, "So when you told Mac you thought I was a 'huge'
talent, you weren't making a joke?"
She felt warm again, "Oh, God no. I'd never joke about that, you're an
incredible musician, that's just the truth."
"Mac thought otherwise," he smirked.
"What is with Mac? Is he the biggest jerk ever?" she was sick of Mac
getting in the way of her getting closer to Ethan.
"He sure can be when he wants to," Ethan acknowledged.
"Well, if he can't see how great you are, then he's a total idiot," she
"No, it's actually the opposite. He knows I'm good, and he can't can
me. That's what upsets him," Ethan shared more.
"Why would he want to can you?" Charlotte was totally confused.
He looked at Charlotte like she was the last person in on the joke. "He
thinks I'm ruining the band's chances because I've gotten so fat," he
looked back into his empty glass.
Charlotte was speechless. The bartender came back just then, "Another?"
he asked Ethan. Ethan nodded then turned back to Charlotte, "So you
see, the 'huge' comment lit another little fire into our conflict. He
knows that Essex would be a tired cover band without my songs, so for
now he's stuck with the fat guy," he further explained.
"That asshole," Charlotte fumed.
Ethan smiled, "Your indignation is cute, but that's the reality of this
business. Just be sure to stay thin and gorgeous or you'll find
yourself out of work," he warned her.
Charlotte shook her head. She didn't know what to say. She thought
Ethan was one of the best looking guys she had ever seen, how could he
ruin an image? And did he just call her gorgeous? "Hey, did you just
call me gorgeous?"
He smirked then smiled at her.
She smiled back and blushed. She blushed a lot around him. She glanced
down along side of him, checking out his belly resting perfectly on his
lap. "Well, I think you're gorgeous too," she blurted. She also blurted
a lot around him. He had a very disarming effect on her.
He looked at her with a confused face. Just then, Jason interrupted,
"We're taking off. You need us to walk you home?"
Ethan stood up and set his glass on the bar, "I'm heading out too."
"Well, then I'll walk out with all of you," Charlotte smiled. The band
gathered their equipment and instruments and loaded it up in their van.
Ethan grabbed his guitar and followed them outside.
"Which direction are you?" Jeremy asked Ethan.
"Uptown, not too far, I usually walk it," he answered
"Charlotte's down 17th, just past the park," Jason offered.
"I'd love to walk," Charlotte volunteered.
Ethan smiled at her, "Sure."
Her band mates left in their van and Charlotte and Ethan headed toward
17th, having a light conversation about the latest things going on in
their Uptown neighborhood. There were so many good restaurants in the
area, and she managed to get Ethan talking about good food, which made
her heart race. Big boys talking about and enjoying food always made
her heart race. She became quiet, lost in some sinful thoughts.
"So," Ethan asked Charlotte, breaking the silence, "How is it you've
been living within a few blocks of me and I've never seen you around?"
"I only moved here a few weeks ago," she explained, "I just graduated
"Oh, no... CU? I don't know if we can be friends," he laughed.
"CSU? Really? Music major?" she asked.
"Naw," he smiled, "Engineering."
"Huh, wow, you're such an artist, I didn't expect you to be a left
brainer," she laughed.
"Environmental engineering, so a little bit touchy-feely," he chuckled
too. She thought he was so cute when he laughed. His eyes brightened
and chin doubled into a lovely combination.
"Well, here's my place," she stopped under the awning of the apartment
complex she now lived in.
"Okay," he paused, but stepped away from her.
"Thanks for walking me home," she offered, stepping toward him anyway
and kissed him on the cheek. Before she could see his reaction, she
turned and hurried inside.
Charlotte stewed over the cheek kiss for days until their next gig at
the Bluebird, opening for another band the following Thursday night.
After their set, Charlotte cleaned up and joined her band mates
upstairs in the bar. She had a number of young guys surrounding her,
heaping praise on her performance, when she saw Ethan, smiling at the
other end of the room. She excused herself and walked over to him.
"Boy am I glad to see you," she said, relieved that she could escape
her tiny fan club. He looked a little less disheveled than usual. He
was clean-shaven and wearing a generously proportioned chocolate brown
button down shirt, meant to be worn un-tucked, with khaki jeans. She
found him so charming with this hipster chic look.
"You should get used to the attention," he smiled, "you're a college
Charlotte was in heaven. She was also hungry. "I'd like to get out of
here. Do you want to get dinner with me? I haven't eaten all day and
I'm totally starving."
"Sure," he agreed. Charlotte was relieved that she didn't have to twist
his arm to get him out to eat.
"I really want to try that Peruvian place you were talking about the
other night," she suggested.
"Sounds good," he agreed.
At the restaurant, they drank wine and talked easily about music, local
bands and skiing.
"So you ski?" Charlotte asked, curiously.
"Don't be so surprised, fat guys ski too," he teased her.
Charlotte found herself very turned on when he said the 'fat' word.
"Oh, yeah, of course, it's just that it scares me to death," she
He smiled, "I grew up near Breckenridge, so it's kind of a residency
requirement. I used to ski more, when I was younger," he admitted.
"I bet you're really good," she flattered him.
"I hold my own," he smiled confidently. "Big guys can use their extra
gravity." She realized he had no idea how hot he was making her, but
she felt like he was pushing her buttons anyway.
As he walked her home, they passed a small park with a children's
playground. Relaxed from the wine, she skipped over to the swing set,
sat down and began to swing. She watched Ethan walk over to her,
smiling. "You know, the cops look for silly adults in the park after
hours," he reasoned with her.
"Forget about the fuzz," she joked, pumping her legs to get higher.
He leaned against a picnic table with his arms crossed, smiling at her
insolence. She jumped off the swing and walked up to him. "So are you
going to tell on me?" she teased him, moving inches away from his big
body. She felt so sexy next to him, especially with a little wine buzz.
He didn't say anything, and suddenly seemed to become a bit shy. She
sensed he was uncomfortable with how close she was getting, but she
couldn't stop herself. Just as she was almost close enough to touch
him, her chest nearing his belly, a cool breeze came through the air
and she shivered. After the show she had felt very warm and only put on
a t-shirt and an above-the-knee kilt style skirt. But now she was
covered in goose bumps.
Ethan instinctively put his hands on her arms to warm them. His hands
were very warm. She got on her tiptoes and gave him a soft kiss. "What
was that for?" he asked her, with an incredulous smile.
"For being adorable tonight," she responded.
He looked at her like she was strange, so she kissed him again, this
time pressing herself into him. She had dreamed forever about being
this close to him and now here she was, feeling his warm and wonderful
plush body and delicious lips next to hers. She stopped and opened her
eyes, smiling into his eyes.
"Wow," he managed to speak.
"Wow, what?" she asked, nudging him.
"I didn't expect that," he responded.
"Was it wrong of me?" she prodded.
"Uh... no, no, it was just... unexpected," he smiled nervously.
She kissed him again, this time longer, her hands running along his
soft arms. "So that was, perhaps, more expected?" she teased.
He smiled and warmed her arms again, "You're getting cold. We should
walk you home."
They walked quietly, only exchanging a few words. She didn't know what
to say anymore. He was either freaked out by her or just not attracted
to her. She couldn't bear the thought of the latter possibility. He was
under her awning again, and this time she asked him, "Do you want to
He paused and didn't say anything.
"I know," Charlotte began blurting her feelings again. She had a
tendency to do this when nervous. "I'm being too forward. I'm not
usually a psycho fan person, or anything. I just really, really like
you," she looked at the ground.
"I'll admit I'm not used to having a fan, especially one so beautiful
and talented," he offered up some of his own honesty.
She looked up at him and smiled, feeling reassured that he could be as
attracted to her as she was to him. "So, the offer stands, you wanna
come up and have coffee?"
"Only if you have big posters of me up everywhere," he joked.
Up at her place she made coffee and brought him a cup, and sat down
next to him on her plush sofa. He filled it nicely, she thought,
noticing the rise of his belly and the way it shook as she plopped down
next to him. He shifted, and she noticed more of that jiggle. She could
barely contain herself. Her old tingly fingers were back, anticipating
getting her hands on his body.
They talked for a few minutes when she finally leaned in to kiss him.
Within moments they were deep into making out and her hands were now
roaming his body, feeling the bigness of his belly that had grown so
nicely over the time she had been admiring him. And now, finally she
was really touching him and it felt euphoric. She was elated that he
seemed to be accepting that she wanted to explore his flab.
Until he whispered, "It's hard not to notice."
"Notice what?" she purred, lost in the exploration of his body.
"That I'm fat," he responded.
"You're sexy," she murmured, her hands running up his roll-laden side.
To her his fat was a obvious asset. It didn't occur to her that she
shouldn't enjoy his body.
He paused and looked at her, "You're a weirdo," and smirked.
They kissed a little while longer, when her hand moved underneath his
shirt and grazed the hanging part of his belly. Ethan stopped her and
stood up, "I really have to go, I have work early tomorrow," he
explained, and rushed out. Charlotte was disappointed with his hasty
departure, but she was still left in heaven from his sweet kisses and
the memory on her hands of how his body felt.
Two nights later, Soft Thrill was once again opening for Essex. After
the shows, they gathered at the bar. Charlotte cozied up to Ethan,
wildly flirting with him.
Will, one of the guys from Essex started talking to Ethan. Tim, Ethan's
his best friend came up to Charlotte. "So, are you screwing with him?"
"Excuse me?" She asked, shocked.
"It looks like you're totally coming on to him. I hope you're not
screwing with his head," Tim sounded bitter.
"That's just dumb," she reacted with irritation, but then softened, "I
think he's a wonderful person."
"But are you into him? Because the last chick he dated treated him like
shit and dumped him. He's about a hundred pounds heavier now and has
been miserable ever since."
She felt badly that he had a heartbreaking relationship experience, but
the 'hundred pounds' comment still couldn't stop her from feeling
utterly hot between the legs. But she kept her composure, "I get the
feeling you've prejudged me, but I'm going to give you the benefit of
the doubt, because it seems like you're trying to be a good friend. So
here's the deal. I like Ethan. A lot. I think he's pretty amazing. I
hope he likes me too. Is that what you need to hear?"
"Okay, okay," Tim smiled, "settle down. He's just taking so much shit
from everyone about his weight and I just don't want to see him more
depressed. Just don't get on him about his weight, alright?"
"That's not my style," Charlotte explained, "and I hate the way Mac is
being such a jerk to him too. It's just so wrong."
After a little while at the club, Charlotte asked Ethan to walk her
back to her place. He agreed, but seemed quiet. As they got close to
her apartment, he stopped, jammed his hands into his pockets and
stuttered, "I don't know, Charlotte," he looked down.
"What don't you know?" she turned and asked, wide-eyed.
"What's going on here," he responded, looking back up at her.
"What do you mean?" She asked, getting anxious, "you mean between us?"
"Yeah, I mean, what's your motivation? Why are you acting like you're
after me? I don't have important connections or anything. I can't help
you meet influential people or whatever," he rationalized.
"Seriously? You think that's what I want from you?" Once again,
Charlotte was taken aback by his lack of confidence. He had always
seemed so cool and unaffected.
"I don't know. What DO you want from me?" He asked.
She was stunned. "I... I guess I want you to feel attracted to me the
way I am to you. I know that's a lot to ask, you barely know me, but if
you aren't interested in me, you should just let me know now. Because
I'm pretty crazy about you," she revealed, her heart pounding with
nervousness through her chest.
He paused at first, but then he stepped closer. She took his hands and
kissed him. He smiled in a serene way that she hadn't seen from him
before. Without words, they walked up to her place. In her apartment,
they continued to kiss as his hands roamed up and down her waist, her
hands down his side, feeling his flabby folds. Two years of sexual
fantasy buildup took complete hold of her and she led him to her
bedroom, only thinking of how badly she wanted him to have her.
Still, not saying a word, she took off her blouse and skirt, and stood
before him in just her midnight blue bra and matching bikini panties.
Ethan put his hands on her hips and pulled her to his body, whispering,
She started to unbutton his shirt, with intense anticipation. She knew
the general size and shape of what jiggled underneath his clothing, but
the wonder of what it would be like to touch his bare chest and round
belly entered her thoughts so often. Now here she was on the threshold
of quenching her thirst.
Button by button, she slowly revealed the tight white undershirt he
layered underneath. As she reached the bottom button and opened his
shirt, she could see that his undershirt was too small and crept up his
hanging belly. There was his sweet luscious flab, hanging like ripe
fruit for her to grasp. Her hand grazed along his bare skin and he
stepped back. She stepped toward him, lifting up his shirt, and pulling
it over his head.
His body was absolutely glorious to her. She sunk her fingers into his
creamy sides and pulled him close for more kissing. She whispered, "Now
He reached around her back and unhooked her bra and it fell to the
floor. She climbed onto her bed and with her finger, motioned him to
join her. He moved next to her on the bed, with the force of his weight
rolling her body into his. She reached down to his pants, feeling under
his belly to unzip them. He rolled on his back to help take them off.
His body quivered with the struggle of getting them off and her mouth
watered more. She pulled off his boxers, he pulled off her panties, and
there they were, completely naked.
Charlotte moved her hand along Ethan's soft, unclothed body. She grazed
underneath his belly to find him very hard and was pleased that he was
as excited as she was. She climbed on top of him, setting herself on
his manhood, and arranging his fat around her so that she could drink
in his whole body while he made love to her.
Drenched in sweat, he managed to work her into several intense orgasms.
Her deepest fantasies never caused as much excitement as the real thing
finally did that night. After he came, he had the most peaceful look on
his face. She sighed out loud, "You are amazing." She curled up next to
him, reaching her arm around his broad body, wedging her fingers into
his waist roll. "That was the most powerful thing I have felt in my
entire life," she admitted.
He turned to kiss her, "Is this one of those dreams where I wake up and
She playfully tapped his chubby cheek, "No, you are awake, and I'm
right here," she smiled and circled her fingers around his deep, soft
belly button. Charlotte felt that being with Ethan was the most natural
thing in the world, but she actually wasn't very experienced. She only
had two lovers before him.
She dated Matthew her first couple of years in college. She loved him,
as a person, but it never felt right with him. He was very nice
looking, but he had that skinny musician body that she could never feel
physically attracted to in bed. She hadn't realized quite why at the
time. For a while she thought that she just wasn't that into sex. But
once Charlotte started to fantasize about Ethan, and as Ethan's body
grew fatter while she admired him from afar, the self-awareness of her
desire for a chubby partner had fully developed.
In her junior year, she dated James, who had an amazing sense of humor
and a soft, round belly on him. He wasn't big like Ethan, but his chunk
of girth gave her some newfound pleasure. She enjoyed sex with James,
but he was moody and they didn't get along well outside of the bedroom.
By her senior year Charlotte was single again, and stayed that way
until Ethan came into her life with the force of a hurricane. He
changed everything she thought she knew about love.
They were together for nearly two years, and a lot of that time was
very happily spent. Charlotte imagined that Ethan was the kind of man
she could spend her life with. He was sweet and tender with her. He
even began to write a few songs about lust and love, and not just his
usual anthems of anger and alienation.
Their physical intimacy developed into a deeper bond. She felt a connection with him on so many
levels, that the disintegration of their relationship took her by
Looking back on it, Charlotte began to realize that for a long time she
was in denial over his body image issues. She hadn't seen the need to
share her fat loving feelings or tell him about her fetish for his fat
body. She thought she might scare him away if she told him that she
preferred him to be fat, and that his weight gain, rolls and soft
roundness greatly contributed to her sexual gratification. He never
seemed comfortable enough with his body that she could freely grab his
belly, or compliment his sexy waddle, or encourage his voracious
appetite and say, this is what turns me on.
Charlotte would tell Ethan that she was very attracted to him and how
proud she was to be with him. She told him almost every day that she
thought him to be the most compassionate, gifted, sexy man she had ever
known. That seemed like enough truth without drawing attention to his
weight and risking hurting him, or having him think she was a perverted
freak for liking what she liked. So despite how beautiful their first
night had been, and how many sexy nights would follow, it was this
communication disconnection that led to their demise.
As the final months of their waning relationship, Soft Thrill's
popularity grew fast. They began headlining clubs, taking the prime
spots that often belonged to Essex, and started looking at recording deals.
Tensions between Ethan and Mac hit a boiling point and the guys from
Essex even began to scapegoat the weight issue for their lack of
progress as a band. In the face of Soft Thrill's ascent and internal
band conflicts, and Ethan finally succumbed to the pressure and started
to crash diet.
He didn't share any of this with Charlotte. Her band went on a
month-long tour of California clubs, and when she returned, Ethan was
down at least twenty pounds. He told her he hadn't been feeling well.
But a week later, when out of concern she encouraged him to eat
something, he blew up at her. "I'm losing the fucking weight! I've had
enough of the bullshit. It's my body, just leave it alone!"
Charlotte was caught totally off guard. She had never really heard
Ethan actively talk about losing weight. He was a bit insecure at times
and didn't love being fat, but he never talked about doing anything to
change it. She tried to be supportive, but it was hard for her to
encourage his weight loss "achievement" when she loved his fatter body
As he lost more weight, he became colder toward her. He was spending
more time at the gym, more time at clubs, and less time with her. When
she tried to talk to him about it, he would accuse her of trying to
keep him from finding success. Her increasing celebrity further fueled
the anger and resentment Ethan directed at Charlotte, causing a deeper
rift between them.
After a few months of aggressive dieting and exercise, he had lost more
than sixty pounds. He was getting a lot of compliments, and people were
making obnoxious remarks to Charlotte. Some were harmless, like, "Did
you stop cooking for him?" Some were inappropriate, "I'll bet the sex
is better now," and some were downright hurtful, "You better watch him
now, you're going to have a lot of new competition." That people
actually thought these things made her sick inside.
Sure, it was hard to see him lose the weight she had such a fondness
for. But it was the assumptions people made about their relationship
that made her seethe. That somehow he was suddenly better looking or
more desirable now? Or that his weight made him her cuckold? She
couldn't bear the thought that Ethan would buy into those false notions
Charlotte found that the old Pretenders song, "Back on the Chain Gang,"
contained poignant lyrics for the way in which Ethan was pressured to
change, leading to their demise as a couple. She regularly sang it during show
encores in the final months of their relationship.
The powers that be
That force us to live like we do
Bring me to my knees
When I see what they've done to you
But I'll die as I stand here today
Knowing that deep in my heart
They'll fall to ruin one day
For making us part
Still, her pain remained unspoken to Ethan until the day they broke up.
He himself accused her of wanting him fat to keep him from finding the
same success she had. When she asked him why he didn't call again, and he lashed out
at her. "I know you felt safe with me, because you probably thought no
one else would want me. As long as I was fat, I was under your
Charlotte reeled from this. Speechless, she left his place and didn't
talk to him again for a long time. Their relationship was over but a
lot of anger and open wounds never healed. She wrote a flurry of songs
to deal with her heartbreak, including Soft Thrill's breakout hit, "To
I put you on a pedestal
But I never took you down
You just walked away
You were already broken
There was no way for me
To damage you
After their breakup, Ethan made spiteful remarks to a music columnist
at a local Denver newspaper about Charlotte's propensity for fat men.
She felt deeply injured for his airing of their dirty laundry to the
press, but refused to acknowledge his comments. The whole experience
left her bitter and unsure about how to deal with her compelling
attraction to fat men. She feared another relationship demise and
resolved to keep her private life private. She remained resolutely
single as she moved to L.A. and made the transition to rock goddess.
Charlotte's story continues in Soft Thrill
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